I Lost That Lovin' Feeling....

I've been battling through training and race prep for a while now. Coach saw it. Others saw it. I was in denial. The world of triathlon was and is my social outlet. These people are my friends, my confidantes, my support. 

I have come to dread training. I like to run. I like to swim. I like to ride. I am tired of monitoring heart rate, pace, cadence, watts, etc. I have a ride coming up this weekend and I'm not dreading the distance, but I don't want to do the 'work' intervals. I just want to ride. A friend last year told me I was making this stuff too much like work and that was sucking the joy right out if it, he was right.

I felt pressure to carry on because because I can. I am physically able. I am healthy. I have the time. I have found the funds. There are others out there for so many reasons that can not. They would trade places with me in a blink of the eye. I can do all this stuff, so I should. But I don't want to.

I think part of it is I have a coach who I hired to push me to my greatest potential. His job is not to accept mediocrity from me. I didn't hire him to just get me to the finish line. I hired him to help me get to a stronger version of myself. Right now, though, I'm feeling okay being just whatever version of me wakes up in the morning. 

Maybe I'll buy a t-shirt. It would match my Adultish tee.

These thoughts and emotions aren't new. I've been here before. I almost didn't start IMChat. This year, I think I'm going to act on them. I'm going to pull out of HIM Chat. 

I do not have a good answer anymore when I'm asked, "Why do you do this?"

When you don't know your WHY, it's hard to endure any thing.

Since 2013 I have let my hobby rule my life and it's time to shake things up. After telling Coach what I wanted to do, he supported my decision and asked, "What do you need from me as your coach?" B and I had already talked about this and I had my answer ready. "I want to be trained as a runner who cross trains. I still want to do Triathlon Wednesday because I love being in the Bank with everyone and I still want to swim a couple times a week as I'm making progress and I don't want to lose it all. I don't want to lose an entire day to cycling unless that's what I decide I want to do."

I'm hopeful to grab a couple local tris this summer if they fit in our schedule. We will most definitely be on the sidelines of HIM Chat volunteering/cheering. (and hopefully Augusta, and IM Chat, and IMWC, and IM Florida, etc.)

In the mean time I am going to:

• Keep doing the 3 sports because I like them. 
• Get ready for a winter marathon with B and friends. 
• Plan a wedding. 
• Maybe pick up heavy things and put them back down.
• Maybe restring my tennis racket.

Most importantly I'm going to rediscover the joy of being fit and active.