I Lost That Lovin' Feeling....

I've been battling through training and race prep for a while now. Coach saw it. Others saw it. I was in denial. The world of triathlon was and is my social outlet. These people are my friends, my confidantes, my support. 

I have come to dread training. I like to run. I like to swim. I like to ride. I am tired of monitoring heart rate, pace, cadence, watts, etc. I have a ride coming up this weekend and I'm not dreading the distance, but I don't want to do the 'work' intervals. I just want to ride. A friend last year told me I was making this stuff too much like work and that was sucking the joy right out if it, he was right.

I felt pressure to carry on because because I can. I am physically able. I am healthy. I have the time. I have found the funds. There are others out there for so many reasons that can not. They would trade places with me in a blink of the eye. I can do all this stuff, so I should. But I don't want to.

I think part of it is I have a coach who I hired to push me to my greatest potential. His job is not to accept mediocrity from me. I didn't hire him to just get me to the finish line. I hired him to help me get to a stronger version of myself. Right now, though, I'm feeling okay being just whatever version of me wakes up in the morning. 

Maybe I'll buy a t-shirt. It would match my Adultish tee.

These thoughts and emotions aren't new. I've been here before. I almost didn't start IMChat. This year, I think I'm going to act on them. I'm going to pull out of HIM Chat. 

I do not have a good answer anymore when I'm asked, "Why do you do this?"

When you don't know your WHY, it's hard to endure any thing.

Since 2013 I have let my hobby rule my life and it's time to shake things up. After telling Coach what I wanted to do, he supported my decision and asked, "What do you need from me as your coach?" B and I had already talked about this and I had my answer ready. "I want to be trained as a runner who cross trains. I still want to do Triathlon Wednesday because I love being in the Bank with everyone and I still want to swim a couple times a week as I'm making progress and I don't want to lose it all. I don't want to lose an entire day to cycling unless that's what I decide I want to do."

I'm hopeful to grab a couple local tris this summer if they fit in our schedule. We will most definitely be on the sidelines of HIM Chat volunteering/cheering. (and hopefully Augusta, and IM Chat, and IMWC, and IM Florida, etc.)

In the mean time I am going to:

• Keep doing the 3 sports because I like them. 
• Get ready for a winter marathon with B and friends. 
• Plan a wedding. 
• Maybe pick up heavy things and put them back down.
• Maybe restring my tennis racket.

Most importantly I'm going to rediscover the joy of being fit and active. 

I Have a Favorite Grocery Store....

Yesterday was my birthday and for the first time since maybe 2012 or 2013, I didn't plan out my day around a workout. I had no interest in swimming 4400 yards, or cycling 44 miles, or running for 44 minutes or 4.4 miles. I was just going to turn 44 as quietly and gracefully as possible.

B took the day off and we spent the day being foodies in Asheville, NC and Greenville, SC.

43 was a good year for me. I started it in (what I thought was) my dream job as a collegiate lacrosse coach. I became the winningest coach in the program's history and was honored by my peers as the conference coach of the year. I spent the summer traveling for work, getting to know B, and training for my 3rd Ironman. In late summer/fall B and I were engaged:

Less than 2 months later I retired from Ironman with a hell of a PR in Chattanooga.

B and I found our wedding location and we traveled to DC with the Kyle Pease Foundation for the Marine Corp Marathon. That event was a real struggle for me physically, but was most likely my strongest mental day yet. I shaved off about 10-15 minutes from the year before. Go #TeamNaomi!

B and I merged our families together for Thanksgiving and for Christmas we saw (almost) EVERYONE. Wedding planning was in full swing and I prepared for another lacrosse season as a coach instead of a ref.

Then things changed. I was released/resigned from my coaching responsibilities. Huh.

• It was for the best.
• It was a blessing in disguise.
• When one door closes, another door opens.
• [[insert your favorite here]]

I landed on my feet because that's what I do. I took a day and threw myself a lovely pity party and then I called all the lacrosse assignors I knew (for officiating) and got back on the schedules. B and I evaluated options and sped up the process of shacking-up officially. I needed to yield my house as paying 2 rents just didn't make sense. I moved to the counttree. Adulting is hard.

Some days are great, some are difficult. Just like when I did have a steady full time job. So the question has been, "What are you looking for now?" The answer: I'm not. I'm completely LOVING being back in the middle of the lacrosse field with the Zebras. I'm trying my hand at some contract work. I get to cut back on my schedule when B and I have the kids and spend time with them before and after school. I'm taking the break I wanted back in November 2016 but instead went straight from one job to the next. Oh, and B calls me a semi-pro triathlete because I have a little bit more time to train. 

So cheers to: (in no particular order)

• being 44
• being a step mom
• being a lot less stressed
• being in love
• being happy
• being content
• accepting my lot in life right now and being very, VERY happy with it.

I LOVE Aldi... seriously, I do.